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The instant that affects eternity.

Current mood:focused

I don’t know what exactly the point is that I’m getting at here, but I just felt like writing. I was writing a poem, but its too long to be a poem. So, it’s just going to be recycled into a rant that’s pretending to be wisdom. I’ve been stressed for the past few weeks, and emotions have played their part. After a few days of headaches, sleeping, yelling, then the blubbering, I’m okay now.

When I was born, everyone experienced a great joy at my arrival. It is ironic. From that very moment I started life, my reservation with inevitable death was set. It is also certain that I will suffer while I wait for this death.What is there to be happy about, much more even joy?

Right now I remembered how the seasons change as part of the unstoppable force which is life and death. I’m that bud on the apple tree that will blossom, ripen, fall, and be consumed, leaving a seed for the next years harvest. The pattern is set for me. That short span of life is only an instant in the span of the eternity. In that instant, I will grow up, eat, sleep, poop, and eventually die and be forgotten. When I look at it, how in the world does my life mean anything? What is life worth living for? I don’t know exactly, but I think it is an answer I won’t figure out until my final days on this earth.

Then I think about the struggle that comes with a life truly lived. I am nothing but a fragile human, completely unadapted to living on my wits and bare hands alone. To compound that, I got this heart that is buffeted with a plethora of different emotions from day to day. That can affect mental stability in my case. Then I got this possibility of sickness, the struggle to get financially stable, the random percentage of crimes against morality that could strike my life. Everyone else is clawing to get a piece of what I’m working at, half of them are damaged goods that will cheat and beat their way for an advantage. The other half is more skilled or more qualified than myself. I gotta face them all. Then, I got this guy called temptation (a.k.a. The Devil) that is on my back trying to convince me to self-sabotage my already slim chance at making it out alright in life. Finally, top that all off with various natural disasters, fatal mistakes, and the constant barrage of advertisements, consumerism, terror, and lies that attack my waking conscious mind. I try my best with my feeble limbs, and I’m getting older by the minute trying to keep up with progress that moves faster than me.

It’s pretty fubar, from almost all angles of the picture. That is the seemingly endless process that comprises the instant in eternity called my life. Pretty much a waste of time for such an insignificant molecule such as myself.

That is, if I was an insignificant molecule. I am a child of God. Some way, somehow, I can make it through all these things. I don’t really see how it is possible most of the time, but I know WE can do it. Millions die, and return as dust. Thousands die and leave an impression for generations to come. But only a handful live forever; in the deeds they committed in life. I’m not talking about bad deeds. Those get forgotten, life overcomes injustice. I’m talking about the people who did GOOD. We know who I’m talking about.

I don’t know how exactly to do it, but I want to use this instant to affect eternity. The only idea I have is to trust in God and follow his will completely. He is the all encompassing source that can do more than just help me overcome the trials that are bigger than my life. I’d liken that miracle to is the bud surviving, rain, wind, birds, and whatever else on the apple tree actually just making it to be an apple that someone can eat.

I want to be the bud on the apple tree that gets a little extra help from bees, rain, and worms in the dirt to make me so delicious, that after I am eaten, my seeds are saved, planted, and sown to start a new orchard. My fruits then used to make juice, applesauce, and my boughs become shade for a person sleeping under me. Okay, so that sounded a little odd, but I think I got the picture.

This is why man can experience joy at the beginning of swiftly coming end. We are bigger than our lifespan. We are more powerful than our own limbs, the own frailty of our hearts. We build monuments, recreate in science, impact generations of minds with our words and character. We are eternal in Gods plan. -If we choose to be.How much I want to play a part in that plan is how much I’ll let him utilize me. I choose to give him all I got. For me, that gives me enough reason to feel happy at whatever comes my way.

I hope that made sense. Thanks for reading.